Here Without You
by druggo-frog
Summary: Songfic, rated for themes involved. Harry makes the worst mistake of his life, but can he repair his fragile world?
1. Default Chapter

**A/N: **well we all no I don't own hp stuff and the song is by 3 doors down

**A hundred days to make me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face.**

**A thousand lies to make me colder, and I don't think I can look at this the same.**

It had been a month since she'd left him. Harry couldn't cope. _If only I could of told you all those things I didn't say, would it have turned out different?_

**But all the miles that separate, they disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.**

Every night he dreamed about her, and every night he would wake up and wish that he still had her to hold him. That he hadn't done it…

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still on my lonely mind**

**I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time**

There wasn't a second of the day when his mind wasn't on her, what he should've done, what he shouldn't have…

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still with me in my dreams**

**And tonight girl, it's only you and me**

Every night he would sit in the common room, staring across the chattering people at her. If only she would see how it hurt him so…

**The miles just keep rolling, as the people lead the way to say hello.**

**I've heard this life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as we go.**

Between classes everyone would talk to her, glare at him, mutter how he didn't deserve to be alive after what he had done…

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still on my lonely mind**

**I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time**

So he stood on the windowsill of the Owlery, wishing that she would just talk to him, let him explain what he felt, what had happened… 

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still with me in my dreams**

**And tonight girl, it's only you and me**

And someone granted that wish. She burst in and saw him where he was. She screamed and dragged him back. 

**Everything I've known**

**And anywhere I go**

**It gets hard but it won't take away my love**

He cried out an apology, sobbed that he loved her and had never meant to hurt her. She had tears in her eyes, but slowly, agonisingly, she shook her head. She couldn't take him back…

**And when the last one falls**

**When it's all said and done**

**It gets hard but it won't take away my love**

He whispered those three words that had opened his heart, this time to close it. Then he jumped…

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still on my lonely mind**

**I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time**

He watched her from heaven, stood guard over her, and helped her through life. But with the memory of what she had done, the reality of her mistake, her ignorance of the love she had known he held for her alone, she became the one who dreamed. Only in these dreams were they happy, for in them, they were together. In them, they were the love they had once been.

**I'm here without you baby**

**But you're still with me in my dreams**

**And tonight girl, it's only you and me**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey everyone, originally I wasn't going to post a second chapter, but persistent reviews saying, "What did he do?" plus the influence of a new CD, have convinced me to do so. This chapter is set before the first one, so it's like a memory of the incident. Anyway, try and enjoy, but I dunno how good it'll be, I'm fairly bad at writing so yeah.

**Disclaimer:** HP stuff ain't mine, and the song is called Blood To Bleed, and it's by Rise Against. You HAVE to get their cd's, they're sooooooo good!

Chapter 2 

**This place rings with echoes of,**

**Lives once lived but now are lost,**

**Time spent wondering about tomorrow.**

The light reflecting off her sparkling eyes was like watching stars on a cool spring night. It was so relaxing, yet so intensely exhilarating at the same time. The exquisite smell of her perfume gave him a feeling in his stomach that no game of Quidditch could compare to. The way she giggled when he gave her compliments, her mischievous grin, her smooth skin… it all captured him in a world where nothing could go wrong.

The giggle came again, and Harry snapped back to reality, which at this moment was as good as the place he had been thinking of. She smiled at him.

"What are you thinking?" she whispered softly.

He grinned and replied, "About how sexy you are."

She laughed and pulled his lips onto hers. "Make sure your dorm is free at 9 tonight and I'll show you just how sexy I can be."

His eyes widened and he looked at her warily. "You're teasing me aren't you? I mean, you wouldn't want to… would you?"

She raised one eyebrow cheekily and whispered in his ear, "I'll see you tonight." Then she walked away slowly, making sure his eyes were glued to the back pockets of her miniskirt.

He left the deserted classroom, marveling at his luck, and walked straight into a female body. Glancing up, he saw who it was.

"Well hello, Parvati. What would we be up to?" he asked.

She looked at him with a cheeky smile. "I don't suppose it'll be long now until you two have some fun – or rather, more than you already have."

He frowned. "Why do you care?"

She placed one hand on his chest and whispered, "I could do it so much better than she could."

He looked her straight in the eyes, and suddenly noticed how perfect they were. "What makes you so sure?"

She put on an innocent face and said, "Why don't I prove it to you?"

**I don't care if we lose it all tonight,**

**Up in flames, burning bright,**

**Warming the air of the world.**

She pushed him back into the classroom and onto the nearest chair. After closing the door, she turned to him and slowly, sexily, removed her shirt. Her jeans soon followed, and she stalked seductively over and straddled him. He kissed her deeply and slid his hands along her body as she took off his top, revealing his muscular torso.

While they were caught up in each other, the door opened a crack, and a pair of eyes looked through. After watching for a moment, they withdrew, and hurried off quietly. They were never noticed.

"I don't love you anymore" 

**Is all I remember you telling me**

**Never have I felt so cold.**

**But I've no more blood to bleed,**

**Cuz my heart has been draining **

**Into the sea.**

As he headed back towards the common room, it finally hit him what he had just done. Suddenly, rather than everything being great, he wanted nothing more than for everything to change. He cursed, swore at himself, kicked suits of armour as he passed them, then sat and held his head in his hands. How could he have done this to her?

**Steps I take in your footsteps**

**Aren't getting me closer to what is left**

**Of the dreams of what I once claimed to know**

He finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, mumbled the password and took a huge breath before entering the room. As his eyes fell on her, his heart sank. She knew. She was in tears, with her friends tried to provide a sanctuary from the knowledge of his betrayal. She looked up and saw him and whispered something to the people surrounding her. They left, glaring, to the other side of the room. He sighed and sat next to her.

"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly, not looking at him.

He couldn't answer. He still couldn't believe it himself. She cleared her throat, expecting a reply. Tears forming in his eyes, he whispered, "I don't know. But I hate myself for it."

She scoffed. "Oh don't give me that shit. You loved it, and half the fun was because I didn't know. I can't believe I was going to give myself up to you! How could you do this to me? I loved you!" She sobbed and looked into his eyes. "I thought you loved me too."

**Within my bones this resonates**

**Boiling blood will circulate**

**Could you tell me again what you did this for?**

"I do! I love you so much that I can't express it!"

"Then what happened? What changed?" She was angry now.

He shook his head. "Nothing changed," he pleaded. "It was a mistake, that's all. A mistake. Can you forgive that?"

She shook her head firmly. "No, I can't. It's a mistake you'll just have to learn from…" She sat and cried again, and her friends came running back, shoving him away. Tears falling freely down his face now, he turned and fled to his dorm.

"I don't love you anymore" 

**Is all I remember you telling me**

**Never have I felt so cold.**

**But I've no more blood to bleed,**

**Cuz my heart has been draining **

**Into the sea.**

He didn't leave his dormitory much for the next few days, not to eat, not to go to classes, not for anything. The only time he did was while everyone was at dinner, at which time he would go to the Room of Requirement. He would walk past the door three times thinking _I need a place to punish myself_ and when he entered, there were all sorts of things with which to hurt himself, and sometimes, if he was feeling particularly bad, there might be a Dementor, which he would refuse to fight. He would relive the memories of his parents' deaths because of what he had done. He never slept either, because when he was asleep, memories were easier to stir.

But in his heart, he hoped that she might forgive him, and that they could regain the love that they'd had.

And still I wait with a hope inside of me 

**So still I wait until again we meet**

**Until again we meet**

**Within my bones this resonates**

**Boiling blood will circulate**

**Could you tell me again what you did this for?**

When he finally emerged from his dorm and rejoined the rest of the school, it was as though he had become part of Slytherin house. His former friends, classmates and acquaintances all became colder than the icy winds of winter, and the ones he used to call his enemies laughed and cheered as he trudged past.

He always kept his eyes peeled for her, hoping that he could repair the heart he had broken. But he never saw her alone long enough to talk. He would move towards her tentatively, before she would turn and run to the safety in numbers that dwelled with her friends. Every time, he would give up and tell himself…

It was over.

"I don't love you anymore" 

**Is all I remember you telling me**

**Never have I felt so cold.**

**But I've no more blood to bleed,**

**Cuz my heart has been draining **

**Into the sea.**

**And still I wait**

**With a hope**

**Inside of me**

**Well still**

**I wait…**

**A/N:** So guys that's what happened! Sorry you waited so long, for any of my stuff, but I just haven't been with it lately. I also want it to be known that I hate the ending to both chapters of this story, so please don't go rank at me for it. Anyway, press the little button, followed by all the little keys, and then the button again. In other words, review! Bye!


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